is it weird?

is it weird that i watched a mediocre (by critical standards) movie on the weekend and that the film nudged me towards the impulse of leaving my day job?

i can't say that the film made me re-evaluate. if anything it just brought to the surface ideas that were already rampant in my head.

i'm telling myself to stay in this day job and use my goof off time to put my creative ideas into place.

today i've been writing a short film. it's such a simple short that i want to shoot it very soon.

i'm practically ready to get a dv cam and go at it this weekend.

i've found a nugget of young writers on the web. young bloggers. they've made their mark by getting published in small press and ezines and online lit journals.

i'm thinking of starting a film club here in Vegas.
i'm thinking of starting a lit journal/ezine specifically for Vegas locals.
i'm thinking of making a series of short films about a single theme.

i'm thinking i can't be at a desk anymore.
but the damn plus and minus of math and finances is finally starting to balance out.

so the desk is like the X in my monetary algebra equation. i'm strapped to it for now. while my creative spirit wanders to all elsewhere.

there are journeys that i want to take but i feel as if my husband is not interested in embarking with me. i want to make changes. re-alignments if you will. some of them are basic like eating healthy and exercising. others are shifts in my daily life. i'd like to live somewhere i can grow a garden. i'd like to make more effort to do my part in protecting the environment. recycle recycle recycle. use compost. eat less meat. abstain from using plastic bags. enjoy nature. feel what it's like to have a physique in tip top shape. what would it be like to borrow lance armstrong's body for a day?

i want self-sufficiency in my work. i want to live a life that leans more to the ascetic. to appreciate solitude. to linger. to write and edit and create. to travel freely.

how does it work? marriage. how are two people meant to become one? if i pursue what i want, i feel that i will eventually end up leaving him behind. he does not have the same convictions. i feel like he holds me back instead of propelling me forwards.