there are journeys that i want to take but i feel as if my husband is not interested in embarking with me. i want to make changes. re-alignments if you will. some of them are basic like eating healthy and exercising. others are shifts in my daily life. i'd like to live somewhere i can grow a garden. i'd like to make more effort to do my part in protecting the environment. recycle recycle recycle. use compost. eat less meat. abstain from using plastic bags. enjoy nature. feel what it's like to have a physique in tip top shape. what would it be like to borrow lance armstrong's body for a day?

i want self-sufficiency in my work. i want to live a life that leans more to the ascetic. to appreciate solitude. to linger. to write and edit and create. to travel freely.

how does it work? marriage. how are two people meant to become one? if i pursue what i want, i feel that i will eventually end up leaving him behind. he does not have the same convictions. i feel like he holds me back instead of propelling me forwards.